One of the people that I loved immensely at a point in my life referred to me as “my Nietzsche.” I thought too much about things, she said. Like a lot, y’know.
I got a ticket this Thursday, and for about 30 minutes, when I was actually speeding to express my anger and defiance for a ticket that was given despite my conformity to the law, I felt free. A strange high.
I was talking to a friend of mine this morning that was on her way to go rock climbing who told me of a ticket she got in May. We started exchanging info on what might be the best way for me to wiggle out of this one. As fate has it, this gal’s name is right before the person in my cell phone book who addressed me as her Nietzsche. And I started thinking…
In his work, the birth of tragedy, FN talks about how in every human, society and the world in general, there exists, a dichotomy. He uses examples from Greek philosophy to explain. There is a Dionysian side and an Apollonian side to our personalities; the individual versus the whole. One that wants to be hedonistic, see naked gals wrestle in vegetable oil, walk bare on the street, have sweaty loud sex in the middle of Sunday mass. Do everything that is pleasurable and looked down on by society. The other, that makes you follow rules and due process, makes you follow procedure and law, be it divine or manmade. It makes you believe that there are consequences for non compliance and rewards for orderly conduct. Obey and conform.
And on this Sunday morning, after burning a couple of free minutes with my good friends, I have come to wonder, why I felt the need to break free. Do you have a morning when you question everything you’ve ever done in life? From choosing the profession that you’re in to why you broke up with that one perfect gal you dated in college, who is now someone else’s fiancé. Will what you’re doing now, help you become the person you dreamed you would be as a young man, full of optimism and hope. Will things work out? Will your heart and soul be at peace someday? Will you be one of the lucky few to get VIP access to those 72 virgins in heaven =)?
Performance anxiety. Existential angst. A state of anomie. Call it what you will…
Something that makes you wonder where your life is heading, and more importantly if you have some control over it. Do you as an individual ever feel that there is a significant discrepancy between what you learnt about hard work, opportunity and advancement in your youth and what is actually achievable in real life. Are you built for something less banal that the daily routine of work, work-out, sleep and the occasional night out with some friends? Probably not a day goes by when something I see, hear or experience doesn’t impregnate my mind with this quandary. A spark that ignites all my insecurities, which I just have to swallow up; through a fake smile, a quick count to 10 or a drink of water.
I am sure that I’m not alone. What I’d like to discover is how exactly do other folks cope with it? When do you figure out your mission, your raison d’être in life? And more importantly HOW?
In the 24 years of my existence, I have been fortunate enough to present this question to several individuals that by societal standards would be deemed successful in the respective trades. Few answers I’ve received bring a fresh perspective. They vary from person to person and depend on where they are in life and how they got there. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution to this one.
But what about people my age? I’ve rarely been able to have a candid and serious discussion with someone my age. Most people are very uncomfortable on being broached about this topic. A large percentage are judgmental and are quick to reconstruct the pertinacious, go getter impression that one first delivered to one, that is, lets say, less than positive.
This subject is a taboo in the community of career oriented younglings. It strikes a raw nerve. Each one of us wants to be successful and each one nurtures insecurities around this aim at the same time deriving strength from a deep conviction that assures us that some day we will be successful, only if we continue to plough through life, one day at a time. And no one is allowed to talk about or discover this holy grail of personal validation.
But how do you quantify success? What are the metrics, if any? Or is it just a general sense of satisfaction and resultant bliss? Does the meaning of success change as you grow up, or are you forced to recalibrate your expectations by ground realities? It’s like quicksand. It gets in your nostrils and mouth and if you even fall into this quandary perchance, there's no easy way out.
If only the answer divined upon us without such mental agitation. Only if there was a sage or mahatma who could crack the code for us. This year, I was in Dallas for my birthday. I had dinner with a co-worker and had kulfi in an earthen cup (which he calls Indian flower pot ice cream.) And just let it out (which I rarely do.) Licking on some mango ice cream he answered.
I got a ticket this Thursday, and for about 30 minutes, when I was actually speeding to express my anger and defiance for a ticket that was given despite my conformity to the law, I felt free. A strange high.
I was talking to a friend of mine this morning that was on her way to go rock climbing who told me of a ticket she got in May. We started exchanging info on what might be the best way for me to wiggle out of this one. As fate has it, this gal’s name is right before the person in my cell phone book who addressed me as her Nietzsche. And I started thinking…
In his work, the birth of tragedy, FN talks about how in every human, society and the world in general, there exists, a dichotomy. He uses examples from Greek philosophy to explain. There is a Dionysian side and an Apollonian side to our personalities; the individual versus the whole. One that wants to be hedonistic, see naked gals wrestle in vegetable oil, walk bare on the street, have sweaty loud sex in the middle of Sunday mass. Do everything that is pleasurable and looked down on by society. The other, that makes you follow rules and due process, makes you follow procedure and law, be it divine or manmade. It makes you believe that there are consequences for non compliance and rewards for orderly conduct. Obey and conform.
And on this Sunday morning, after burning a couple of free minutes with my good friends, I have come to wonder, why I felt the need to break free. Do you have a morning when you question everything you’ve ever done in life? From choosing the profession that you’re in to why you broke up with that one perfect gal you dated in college, who is now someone else’s fiancé. Will what you’re doing now, help you become the person you dreamed you would be as a young man, full of optimism and hope. Will things work out? Will your heart and soul be at peace someday? Will you be one of the lucky few to get VIP access to those 72 virgins in heaven =)?
Performance anxiety. Existential angst. A state of anomie. Call it what you will…
Something that makes you wonder where your life is heading, and more importantly if you have some control over it. Do you as an individual ever feel that there is a significant discrepancy between what you learnt about hard work, opportunity and advancement in your youth and what is actually achievable in real life. Are you built for something less banal that the daily routine of work, work-out, sleep and the occasional night out with some friends? Probably not a day goes by when something I see, hear or experience doesn’t impregnate my mind with this quandary. A spark that ignites all my insecurities, which I just have to swallow up; through a fake smile, a quick count to 10 or a drink of water.
I am sure that I’m not alone. What I’d like to discover is how exactly do other folks cope with it? When do you figure out your mission, your raison d’être in life? And more importantly HOW?
In the 24 years of my existence, I have been fortunate enough to present this question to several individuals that by societal standards would be deemed successful in the respective trades. Few answers I’ve received bring a fresh perspective. They vary from person to person and depend on where they are in life and how they got there. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution to this one.
But what about people my age? I’ve rarely been able to have a candid and serious discussion with someone my age. Most people are very uncomfortable on being broached about this topic. A large percentage are judgmental and are quick to reconstruct the pertinacious, go getter impression that one first delivered to one, that is, lets say, less than positive.
This subject is a taboo in the community of career oriented younglings. It strikes a raw nerve. Each one of us wants to be successful and each one nurtures insecurities around this aim at the same time deriving strength from a deep conviction that assures us that some day we will be successful, only if we continue to plough through life, one day at a time. And no one is allowed to talk about or discover this holy grail of personal validation.
But how do you quantify success? What are the metrics, if any? Or is it just a general sense of satisfaction and resultant bliss? Does the meaning of success change as you grow up, or are you forced to recalibrate your expectations by ground realities? It’s like quicksand. It gets in your nostrils and mouth and if you even fall into this quandary perchance, there's no easy way out.
If only the answer divined upon us without such mental agitation. Only if there was a sage or mahatma who could crack the code for us. This year, I was in Dallas for my birthday. I had dinner with a co-worker and had kulfi in an earthen cup (which he calls Indian flower pot ice cream.) And just let it out (which I rarely do.) Licking on some mango ice cream he answered.
“Sharjeel, some things in life need time to make sense. Heck, I haven’t figured it out yet myself. But if it’s any consolation, you’re asking the right questions. The answers will come, in time. Until then, don’t let life get the better of you.”That was April. And then I got a ticket, that sent my mind in a spiral. Anyways, shower, shave, movie, iftar and prime rib. That’s what I’m getting out of life today.What's your plan?
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